I’m a what?!

I’m pretty sure I’m having an identity crisis.

Allow me to explain.

Until 13 days ago (yes, I’m still counting days), I was a Johnson. That’s the name that I’ve had my whole life. All my bills, identification cards, and all important papers and files have that name. But now it is Fox.

That in and of itself does not cause me to panic. (Well, it did for a minute in David’s Bridal because I’m not sure I know how to write a capital letter F in cursive, but that’s neither here nor there). I believe that I can get used to being a Fox. (I’m actually really really excited about being one). Also not the point. This situation – you know, being married and all that – raises a question for me: who am I?

I was JaQuinn. The daughter. Sister. Friend. Girlfriend. Server. Young Life leader. Child of the King.

My mom, my sister, and me

Now, I’m still most of those things, but instead of a girlfriend I’m Darius’ wife. Mrs. Fox. It seems to hold such heavy responsibility. And it also causes my mind and heart to be confused. It makes my heart want to find my identity in it completely. It makes my heart want to cling to the love I feel with him instead of the faithful, gracious love I receive from Him.

I was given the amazing advice (I’m certain multiple times,  but this one stands out the most to me) the week before my wedding to remember to put God first and my husband second – to find my identity in my Lord.

This is one of those true things that I know, but it’s so much more difficult than I thought it would be! I don’t know why I thought it would be easy. I have to fight to keep perspective about work, money, and all kinds of things! I had to fight when I wanted to be married and I wasn’t yet! Why would this not happen now that I am married!?!?!

This is my dilemma. Or rather, my struggle. I know the answer. I know the Truth. I must remember. And obey.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness…” Matthew 6:33

Do you have any wisdom on this? How do you keep God first when important people and situations fight for all your attention?


One thought on “I’m a what?!

  1. You have to practice this. Know for sure that God is with you all the time. You have to practice talking to Him all day long. Even when you’re spending time with people, talk to God in your heart. Yes the enemy will use people to make you busy. That’s his job. Your job is to avoid that at all cost. When you put God first, loving your husband becomes easy. I would say more but I don’t want to sound preachy. Haha love you much.

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