Since I’ve been married, I’ve recognized aspects of my perspective on singleness that were somewhat skewed. Before I venture into the details, let me tell you a few things that this post is not about.
- It is not about how much smarter or more knowledgeable than single people I am – I am not. If anything, I’m more confused now than I was a year ago, but for different reasons.
- It is not about how God will bring you your Boaz. Not that He won’t, but this isn’t a promise of some future husband that I don’t know about.
- It is not about how to live your life so that you can find a husband. I wasn’t a “single Christian” in the traditional sense. So, I wouldn’t know how to counsel on that anyway.
Now that those boundaries have been established, I want to share with you what I’ve learned:
God is trustworthy. He is faithful in ways that my mind still can’t comprehend. He does not withhold good from His children. He does not want us to feel alone. He has a plan for us and He loves us. We learn this all the time, but getting married has reminded me that He hears, listens to, and answers our prayers.
Married people are not necessarily more mature. That seems obvious, but hear me out. A friend of mine asked if I felt more mature after I got married. I don’t. But when I looked at my married friends – even the ones who are my age and I was friends with throughout their courtship – I began to feel inferior. That wasn’t realistic. They were the same people, but in a different life-stage.
My married friends understand. Before my friends were married, they were single. Before God answered their prayers for spouses, they were without them. They went through struggles with wanting more than they had, loneliness, and the difficulty of waiting.
It’s crazy how different things look through new lenses. I somehow missed these things while I was single. So, if I were the advice giving type today I would say:
1. Trust Jesus with your singleness. He has a plan. I don’t know it. You may not know it. But we don’t need to know, we only need to trust.
2. Lean on Him. Your married friends may have different experiences than you and seem wiser (and they may be depending on who they are) but God knows it ALL!! It only makes sense to talk to Him about everything that is on your heart.
3. It’s okay to be open with your married friends. They understand. They weren’t always married, in the “perfect” situation, and having something that you want. If they give unsolicited and unwanted advice that makes you feel worse instead of better, let them know. Your friends love you (at least I hope they do).
I had a difficult time waiting for the ring. I wanted to be married more than anything! Now I realize that while that desire was good, it often consumed me. Praying for my single friends today.