I Failed Immediately

I had the honor of going with my friend, Lara, and one of her friends to hear her speak on Saturday morning. Mugs and muffins. Everyone brought a mug for coffee. They had regular, decaf, and more sugars, creamers and coffee flavors than I’ve ever seen at a self-serve event. I helped myself to regular coffee in a hello mornings mug with a little pumpkin flavored syrup. Behind the coffee was an array of muffins. I had one baked with oreos (of course). They had blueberry, cranberry, meat and nuts, and many many others.

Lara got up front and lead us all to the Word. She spoke about her life. It wasn’t just a feel good message. She reminded us that wilderness moments would come. And that those moments could be lonely, desolate, and full of solitude. However, they are not purposeless. God gives life, strength, and hope regardless of circumstance. She shared a quote from John Piper, “God does not play catch up with His enemies.” It was great! I got to sit at the table to sell her books, To Walk or Stay. While sitting, I got to talk with one of her other friends who I met last year at the women’s retreat.

I left that little morning getaway full of hope and joy. The Lord is on my side! He will meet me where I am. He will gives me the desires of my heart when I am aligned with Him. I spent time gleaning from women who have been married longer than me and soaking up their wisdom.

Then I got home. One sideways glance and unpleasant moment with my husband and it all went away. I failed. Immediately.

I spent the whole morning being filled. Reminded. Taught. Then I spent the whole night playing my hurt feelings over and over and over.

Ugh. Of course. I’m so glad that His mercies are new every morning and that His grace is sufficient. I’m thankful that His thoughts of me are not based on who I am, but on who He is and His Son’s sacrifice for me. Today I’m remembering. Remembering and meditating on Truth. Today, this moment, I am not being ruled by my circumstances or emotions. Today I am looking at my life through the lenses of my Savior, not the other way around.

4 thoughts on “I Failed Immediately

  1. He’s always always always grace. That’s what’s so amazing. Just like I teach my kids. Every failure is evidence yet again how needy I am for His mercy. Much love to you, sister. Press on.

  2. Oh, I know this day. I know the feeling of having had a refreshing time from catching up with old friends or spending time alone with some instruments or sitting with my Bible in a coffee shop… and then coming home to chaos and feeling like I need to turn around and go back. So this “Today I am looking at my life through the lenses of my Savior, not the other way around” is right on. Right on!

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