pregnancy: not an excuse for sin

Pregnancy has been unlike anything I’ve ever experience. I have been nauseous and exhausted – a special kind of tired that I didn’t even know existed. I have laughed just because and cried for the same reason. My body is actively uncomfortable and at this point – 8 months in – it takes me an extra few seconds to get off the sofa, or out of bed, or anything else that requires standing.

Partnering with my body changing physically, my emotions are unpredictable. The emotional roller coaster is increasingly impossible to control. I’ve mostly gotten a pass because I’m pregnant. People are very forgiving to the pregnant lady when she says something inappropriate or not very kind (although, I had a problem being a little lippy before, that’s beside the point). I continue to remind myself that pregnancy is not an excuse.

Pregnancy is not an excuse for being rude to people. It’s not an excuse for allowing sin to slowly creep into my life and take over any part. That has been my struggle. Those little secrets that I don’t think anyone will care about or notice. God sees them. He knows. Giving in to the distractions instead of leaning into the Lord, that has been my problem. I tell myself that it’s because I’m pregnant. That once I’m holding my little Foxes in my arms and not just in my belly that it will be all the easier, but that’s just a lie that choose to believe.

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Admitting that is difficult. I have a choice to keep lying to myself or to look at my life through the eyes of the Truth. It’s a stressful task. But an enlightening one. Feeling the weight of personal sin during this time reminds me of my absolute need of a Savior. My Christian sisters are an asset in my life. They are a safe place to go to say the words, “I have let myself go.” They remind me that I don’t achieve righteousness through myself. They remind me that I am in desperate need of my Lord and my God. He forgives. He gives hope. He is trustworthy.

I forget that I am the worst sinner I know. I forget that I am the one who needs a Savior. Sin and self-lies have been a terribly awesome reminder of who I am in Christ and who I am with others. But maybe that’s a post for another day.

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