i’m thankful for my husband

It’s November! One day before Thanksgiving. I’ve been “liking” the facebook statuses and instagram photos showing what my friends are thankful for all month. It’s nice to see people intentionally put aside their entitlement and selfishness to be thankful and gain perspective.

I haven’t partaken in this public display of thanks this month, although I do try to be thankful every day. Most people in relationships mentioned that they were thankful for their significant others. Today, I choose to be thankful for my husband. Every day I choose to be thankful for him.

Thanksgiving isn’t about good feelings. It’s about realizing what God has given us and giving Him back His due credit. It’s about seeing how we are not in control of our lives. It’s about knowing that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights. With that said, I am thankful for my husband.

I am thankful for the man that he has become.

I am thankful for how he’s growing daily.

I am thankful for him getting up before me to start my coffee.

I am thankful for him waking from his sleep to put gas in my car in the middle of the night.

I am thankful for his arms around me when I cry.

I am thankful for his prayers.

I am thankful for his intelligence.

I am thankful for his imperfections.

I am thankful for what he does well.

I am thankful that the Lord has put us together.

I am thankful for him.

It’s not just that I’m thankful that I have a husband. I am thankful for the husband that I have.

Life is not always easy. Being married has not been the smoothest path I’ve been on. Every day I have a choice. Today I choose to be thankful for the husband I have, regardless of our circumstances and my irritations. Regardless of how I feel in the moment.

God makes no mistakes. My husband is a gift. For him I will be thankful.

What are some things about your spouse – or anyone important in your life – you are thankful for this Thanksgiving?

because it matters what you think

I have many bad habits. One of them is concentrating on things that I don’t want. I sit around and think about how I don’t want children – yet. My mind wanders from there into how I don’t want to be stuck in a job that I hate. I don’t want the things that I’m most afraid of like *insert your own personal fears here* to come true.

What do I do with these things that I don’t want? I obsess over them. I go over them over and over and over again in my head. My friends and I talk about things in the negative often. A wise woman told me – many times – not to concentrate on what I don’t want, but what I want. She says that whatever I’m concentrating on all the time is what will most likely happen.

Don’t get me wrong here. I understand that some things are out of my control. I know that my thoughts will not control  my surroundings. That many circumstances are out of my control. As much as is up to me though, I should do well.

These are the things that I should be thinking about. Instead of fear, truth. Instead of trash, things that are honorable. Instead of the ugliness, the lovely. Marital fears are real. They are even sometimes warranted. But many, many times (I don’t have the exact number but I can look it up if you need it) we are told in the Word not to fear. Do not fear. Do not be afraid.

So, friend, do not be fear. Do not be afraid. Instead, think of good, lovely, commendable, excellent things. Think about what you want instead of what you don’t want. Think about what is true. 

What are some things that you should be thinking about?

One Year Down…Forever To Go

Last month was my anniversary. I had this whole idea that I would write this amazing blog post (you know, really blow your mind with what I’ve learned over the last year) and post it on the day of our anniversary. People would be so proud of my honesty and insight in only one year, even if my insight was just that I learned that I don’t know anything.

I set expectations for myself: in marriage, ministry, friendship, work, blogging, everywhere. I set lofty goals because I won’t ever reach somewhere that I never try to go. I’ll never reach something that I never went for. Maybe that’s wise, maybe that’s foolish. I can’t be certain. However, it has given me some perspective.

Not my laundry room. What I wish it looked like.

Having goals for myself in marriage is good. When my goal is to honor God and my husband, that’s good. When I aim to cook a certain number of times per week or to do laundry once a week as a way to show him that I love him, that’s good. But an unhealthy pattern occurs when I miss my goals. It’s not a good thing when I’m tired one week and let the laundry pile up, then begin to tell myself how horrible of a wife I am for not finishing it. It’s a bad thing when I’m convinced that I suck at life because we ordered pizza instead of having a home cooked meal.

It’s a cycle of crazy that I get into. I feel so down about it that everything falls apart. The guilt of the situation makes me pull back and feel like a failure. However, my success or failure is not based on the cleanliness of my house, the level of gourmet of my meals, or the quickness with which I finish the laundry. It’s about my Savior.

My life is about Jesus. My marriage is His. Am I not honoring Him by not cooking tonight? Probably not a big deal. But when I pull back and settle in my discontent and guilt, then I am not honoring Him. I am not content in Him. I am not giving Him everything. I am believing that somehow my life is mine and that I can do it on my own.

What have I learned in my first year? I don’t know anything. I need God because even on my best days I fail on my own. He is with me. He is for me. And He will lead me in being the wife that He has called me to be. Even with the laundry undone.

Silence

I like noise. I like loud. When there is not music that I am in the mood to listen to, then I want to hear the television. I want someone to talk with me. I like noise.

I like when I can hear doors closing outside. I like the sound of cars driving by. I like when I can hear the music from the car next to me – even when I think their musical choices are obnoxious. The buzzing of the world is good to me.

I like when the birds chirp. I don’t like the storm, but I enjoy the sound of the rain. I like that “mmm” sound my man makes when we cozy up together. I like the sounds of typing on my laptop. I like hearing the chatter in the coffee house as I sit here and write. I like when the cat purrs and the dog barks. I like noise.

I enjoy the sounds of life. The music that the world makes naturally as it happens. Silence makes me nervous.

When everything is silent, the random sounds feel out of place. I hate the sound of the back door slamming in the silence. I hate the sound of the house settling in the night.

But there is something that silence can bring that noise never can. Sometimes, the best thing that I can do for myself is to be silent. Sit in the silence. No music. No television. Early in the morning with my Lord. I have nothing to say, but I can hear. I can listen. The silent times are when the most is heard. The times that I sit and listen and say nothing.

The last month of not blogging, or even trying to, was me sitting in the silence. I sat in the silence to hear before I spoke again. I sat in the silence to listen and learn what He has for me right now. Some of it has been scary – crying on my floor is the only sound I can hear kind of scary. Some of it has been joyful – laughter with friends even when my situation calls for more tears. Some of it has been exciting – new job and a new adventure.

In the silence I’ve heard more than I ever thought that I would. In the silence He’s taught me. In the silence, I’ve leaned in to listen.